


General, I Gotta Leave

by LeiaSolo (DisnerdingAvenger)



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'm so sorry, So so so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:38:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5750440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisnerdingAvenger/pseuds/LeiaSolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Han Solo loved Leia Organa more than anything in the entire galaxy. But he needed to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	General, I Gotta Leave

Leia had heard Han say the words before, but in such a different context. She remembered it clearly, right down to how frozen her feet had been feeling when she heard it, from the constant iciness of Hoth's air. She had convinced herself that the anger, the urgency she felt upon hearing that he was leaving was only caused because she was frustrated that he was abandoning them; them, being the Alliance. They needed his leadership skills and flying abilities. That was the only reason she cared; it didn't matter that much to her individually.

She spent a lot of time lying to herself back in those days.

Truth be told, that anger and urgency had been felt mostly because she did want him to stay – she wanted him to stay for _her_. Han had pretty much hit it right on the nose when he declared with annoyance that she was afraid he was going to leave without giving her a goodbye kiss. Leia would never admit it, though.

So much had changed since then. _They_ had changed; he had gone from being a smuggler to a war hero, and she had gone from being a princess to being a general. They were no longer just two vigilantes, stealing kisses in heated moments and fighting for their lives, but husband and wife, happily married with a son.

They _were_ happily married, that is, until tragedy struck.

Ben had always been a troubled little boy. He threw tantrums far more than any child either of them had ever seen, and his tantrums tended to get destructive. He was also rather closed off, even from a young age. He never had any interest in piloting the Falcon when his father offered to take him out, nor did he want to tag along to his mother's Resistance meetings. There was only one thing Ben was ever fascinated by; the stories Han and Leia would tell him each night of their years in battle against Darth Vader and the Galactic Empire.

As soon as he was old enough to begin training, he all but begged them to let Uncle Luke teach him to be a Jedi. Given it was the first thing he had ever shown a real desire to pursue, Han and Leia felt it would be cruel to refuse him, even if his tendency to have emotional outbursts worried them. It was emotions like that which led to the Dark Side. But, confident that Ben would grow out of the behaviour in time, they let him begin training; if anyone could keep him on the right path, it was Luke.

When news reached them of what had become of Luke's group of padawans, and who had been behind the entire catastrophe, everything started to fall apart.

The loss of Ben hit Han and Leia both incredibly hard; they consoled each other for a while, but eventually that grew tense and difficult, as well. They were each intent on blaming themselves for what had happened; Leia felt it was her fault for not refusing to let him train when she knew what became of Anakin because he couldn't turn off emotions like Ben's, and Han felt it was his fault for always agreeing to tell the stories of Vader over and over. He'd always been a bit worried by the gleam of interest in Ben's eyes whenever he would share particularly gruesome details, but he could never bring himself to put an end to storytime. It was the only way he had ever managed to _bond_ with their son. He kicked himself every damn day for not pushing harder to get him to go flying – to do _anything_. Anything would be better than this.

Unable to handle the other's constant grief, the two grew distant. Leia threw herself into her work, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if she brought down the First Order quickly enough, they could still get Ben back. Han returned to his old ways, distracting himself with smuggling jobs and getting himself into trouble – anything to keep him from thinking about the havoc his own flesh and blood was wreaking throughout the galaxy, and the pain he saw in his wife's eyes every time he looked at her, and how he believed it was all his fault.

Eventually, balancing the smuggling and helping the Resistance became too difficult, and Han knew he had to choose. Of course, he chose Leia - and in doing so, he knew he needed to leave. He loved her too much to stick around, knowing that just looking at him sometimes broke her heart. Every time she saw him, she was reminded of what they had lost. He couldn't keep doing that to her. He just couldn't.

"General, I gotta leave."

It had been quiet in the command room; Leia had been standing over the holo-table, working through tactics and plans for the Resistance's next big move. She'd been concentrating so hard that she hadn't even heard her husband's footsteps entering the room – in fact, she hadn't even known that he was back. It was hard to keep track of him these days.

When his voice broke the silence, a shiver ran down Leia's spine and she lifted her head to look at him, their eyes locking across the room. She was instantly flashing back to Hoth; to times that were, ironically, simpler than these.

"What?"

"I can't stay anymore."

Taking a few steps further into the room, the sound of his boots echoing, Han shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, the thumb of his left hand absently rubbing his wedding ring. This was killing him, but he didn't have a choice.

Hearing the words was different this time. She didn't feel anger or urgency; in fact, Leia couldn't bring herself to feel much of anything. This had been a long time coming. They weren't the husband and wife they had once been; they barely even spoke anymore. Ben's betrayal had broken them in ways neither of them knew how to repair. No, Leia wasn't angry with Han; she understood.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she finally responded, breaking the lingering silence. She couldn't help noticing in that moment just how different he looked; still as handsome as ever, but the stress of the past few years had changed him. His hair had started to grey, and his eyes lacked that luster they used to hold. She couldn't even remember the last time she saw him smile. That was what broke her heart; Han Solo, who was once so full of life, had become a mere shell of the man she fell in love with. She couldn't make him stay when he was miserable here.

Han knew that she had changed, too; he saw it more and more every time that he came back here. Leia was no longer the princess he fell for, the one passionate for peace and full of understanding; she had become obsessed with this war, with _winning_ it, hoping it might bring Ben back. Leia Organa, who used to be vibrant and fiery and could light up a room just by stepping into it, had gone from being a shining star to a black hole, intent on consuming and crushing the First Order.

He still loved her. He loved Leia with every bit of his heart, but Han knew there was nothing more he could do for her here.

"Well then, your highness… I guess this is it."

Nodding, watching him intently, Leia somehow managed not to waver.

"That's right."

Another long silence fell between them and, when it appeared that really _was_ it, Han reluctantly turned to go. He was halfway out the door when her voice sounded after him. She hadn't moved to stop him, but had needed him to hear her one last time.

" _I love you_."

Briefly closing his eyes, Han took a few seconds to steady himself, but his voice still cracked gruffly when he responded, his final words to his wife echoing like his footsteps as he walked away from her for what he felt may be the last time.

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by seeing this gif set ( http://elenafisher.tumblr.com/post/135973187796/you-know-no-matter-how-much-we-fought-ive ) and proceeding to cry. A lot.


End file.
